


I know me

by JanaRumpandRCJawnn (JanaRumpandRCClara)



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Celebrity Crush, Character Study, F/M, Fluff, Gen, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 08:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3522602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanaRumpandRCClara/pseuds/JanaRumpandRCJawnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> They don't know me, I know me.</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>In which these words give Merrill strength as she comes to Skyhold, meets people she once knew and deals with the way people see her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I know me

She arrived in Skyhold with a smile and determination. People whispered as she walked, calling her blood-mage, knife-ear, betrayer of her clan, all sorts of names and slurs that came at her as knives. But Merrill had learned, after all those years that what those people thought of her didn’t matter. 

_They don’t know me. I know me._ Isabela’s words gave her strength when she needed it. They protected her, it was like putting an armor to keep herself safe from the world. It didn’t matter how much they hated her, they needed her. 

Her movements were calm when she walked around the courtyard, observing the plants and the fortifications. This place had been her people’s, but like so many things, it had been lost and now the humans had it. Perhaps it was better that their Inquisitor was at least one of the people, she at least understood.

“Daisy!” Merrill heard her nickname being called and turned to see Varric on the stairs, smiling. 

Her feet moved quick and hugged him tightly. She rested her chin at the top of his head, closing her eyes and enjoying the familiarity. Merrill had been so angry when they took Varric away, she had wanted to go after them, but Aveline had talked her out of it. The letters didn’t have the same presence as her friend, the words when written instead of having the right voice to them. Now, with the arms around her and the warmth, and the scent, she couldn’t stop smiling. 

“Aneth ara.” She whispered, rubbing her hands up and down his back. 

“Yeah, aneth ara for you too.” He spoke, taking a step back, but still with his hands on her side. 

Merrill rolled her eyes, smiling openly. They both had tears on their eyes, but they were also smiling openly. No friendship was as strong as among those who had lived in Kirkwall and walked with Hawke. Even as they argued and let the bitterness take a hold of them, in the end of the day, she liked to think they would never leave their own behind. 

“Is the Inquisitor here? I suppose I should talk to her.” 

“She left for the Hissing Wastes yesterday morning with Chuckles, Tiny and Buttercup. You should talk to Ruffles, Curly and Nightingale, though. They will want to meet you.”

She nodded and let him guide her through the corridors. First she was introduced to the spymaster – Merrill remembered her from Kirkwall, Sister Nightingale and all – the woman was polite, and asked if Merrill had brought her mirror – Eluvian. The mage thought, but did not say. She had, she had left it with the guards per their request – and informed her anything she needed in relation to the arcane she only had to ask. Then they went to speak to an Antiva lady wearing very yellow gowns that spoke a very poor elven. She told Merrill where her room would be, and that if she found herself in need of anything it was only a matter of asking. Her politiness made her different from most of the human nobles she had met. 

In their way out they crossed the human with the Elluvian. She was less than pleased to see Merrill, which only made sure the mage was polite and nice with her. It wasn’t rare for a human to think they knew more about elvhen than the people. She didn’t bother to speak more than the necessary, and went to meet the last of the advisors. Yes, she had crossed paths with Cullen in Kirkwall, but never in a situation where the were equal beneath the eyes of Justice. He seemed embarrassed and said he was sorry for his behavior in the past. She acknowledged it, but didn’t give him the forgiviness he was seeking – _For Anders. For the children you let her make Tranquil. For the people who listened to demons because it was better than living._ Varric got her out of there before things got more awkward, which was a blessing. 

They were walking down the stairs side by side when he pointed at building she had not paid much attention until now. 

“Daisy, the tavern here might not be The Hanged man, but it’s decent. Wanna go there?”

“Maybe later? I think I need to settle first, maybe grab a nap? We can go at the evening.” 

He nodded patting her back, and still she could see the slight disappointment in his face. She looked down, taking a deep breath. She wouldn't tell him that things wouldn't be like when she was working on the elluvian, 

“Sure thing.”

Settling in was easy. The room had a balcony and room for her elluvian. It was rather pleasant and calm. So different from her home at the Alienage. Merrill washed her face and her feet, changed from her travel clothes to something simpler, then let herself be carried to the Beyond for a few hours. It had been a long journey from Kirkwall, and she hadn’t slept in a bed for over a month. Her dreams were calm, mostly filled with sweet memories from when she was a child. 

 

When the sun was setting, she went to Varric. He told her they were going to meet the rest of the Inquisitor’s companions – Merrill couldn’t help to wonder if they would be like their friends. They entered the tavern, there was song and the place was packed. She smiled to the sound – after so many years in the city, the sound of a crowded tavern had become so comforting. Some people looked at her, but she didn’t mind them, following the dwarf between the tables and finding a group on one of the corners. They spoke to her friend, but she barely had time to see them before her eyes found someone else. 

The name was in her lips before she could stop, calling out to a past she had left. Loud enough so the other would hear it, but not shouting. 

The blonde woman looked at her, eyes wide and smiled openly, saying from her spot a few meters away. 

“People here call me Dalish.” 

They had known each other in a very distant past, one of clan meetings and children playing. Both of them had been first to their Keeper’s, and had run together through the camps laughing and whispering secrets. The last time Merrill had heard of… Dalish, the other mage’s clan had been killed by humans in Orlais. She had believed the other one to be dead, until now. 

“Come here, Merrill. I wanna catch up.”

She glanced over at Varric and the dwarf gave her a warm smile. “You know her?”

“From the clans… the meetings and such. We were children together.”

“Go then, you can meet the guys formally later on.” He then turned to the other woman and shouted. “You better come play Wicked Grace later than.” 

The mage laughed loudly. “Sure, Damn. Skinner will get all your money again.” 

Merrill walked over to her, looking at her company. A city elf, a dwarf with a fabulous mustache and three men. She nodded to them, walking over to where the blonde was sat. In her turn, she pushed the man sitting next to her – short hair bottle of wine in his hand (reminded her a bit of Carver but something on his face made her think of Hawke… and Pol). 

“Give the lady some room, Krem.” 

He looked over to her as he moved away, she decided she liked his hazel eyes and his cheekbones. Merrill smiled before sitting down, looking at the one she knew. 

“What’s the Sabrae clan’s first doing with the Inquisition? Or are you their Keeper already?” She asked, taking a sip of her ale. 

“No. Not First. Not Keeper. I left the clan years ago to live in Kirkwall. Last I heard they were moving on the Free Marches, and the Second – remember her, young girl name Lyra? She’s the Keeper now, youngest keeper among the Dalish for years.” It still hurt to talk about it, so she ended up rambling. It kept her away from the true hurts.

“Really? Never thought you’d leave. You’re always one for ‘preserving history and learning’.” 

“Yes. That was the reason I left in the first place. I couldn’t continue my studies in the clan, it wasn’t safe for them.”

“I can’t imagine Kirkwall was safe.” The blonde added, making a sign to the barmaiden so she would bring more ale. 

“I had Varric, and the Champion, and my friends. Besides, I know how to take care of myself.” People always assumed her to be harmless, it made it funnier to watch their face as the spirits she called hurt them and as the lighting fried their bodies. 

“The Champion?” The dwarf asked interested. “So I assume you’re the elven mage from the books... Merida?”

She laughed covering her mouth as she did it. The names her friend had used to cover their identities had been so fun to read, and the funniest part was that people actually thought she was named Merida, Fenris was name Remus, Anders was Maric and Isabela was Daniela.

“Merrill.” She corrected. “And yes, I’m the one from the Tale of the Champion.” 

She felt Dalish’s arm on her shoulders as the woman said excited. 

“I like that! You sounded like the most adorable badass on that book.” 

“Ma serannas.” The elven words were easy, but they vovered them with that veil which distanced her from the rest.

“Krem there always found you the most interesting of the girls.” One of the man added – he sounded Ferelden. 

She turned to look at the man next to her, who was blushing all the way to his ears. 

“You did? That’s nice, most people think Isabela is more interesting. She is a pirate queen in the end.” 

"Not Krem. He was always very specific he like your parts of the story better.

The man was giving angry glances to his comrades and she liked to watch the teasing among them. It made her think of home, of night when they were sitting like this around a table, a game of Wicked Grace and singing lewd songs. Krem - that was his name, right? Or maybe it was a nickname like the ones Varric gave - turned to her, cheeks red and looking down.

“I always thought your story was amazing, how you worked hard to bring back a piece of your history, how when everyone told you couldn't do it you went there and did it. How even when things got hard and sad, you never let the darkness corrupt you. You made your choices and you faced bravely the consequences, that's all anyone can do. ”

"The same can be said of most of my friends." She added, calm. It was true, they all had their ghosts haunting them wherever they went.

"Yes, that's true. Still, none of them ever was so unappreciated as you, at least from what I've seen. You're amazing and people always talk about you like you are an irresponsible young girl, it's unfair I suppose." He scratched the back of his neck, giving her a quick glance and blushing even more. "Sorry, I shouldn't assume to know you from a fiction book."

Merrill found she was really touched by the words. Very few people would call her brave, and even less so would admire her. People weren’t forgiving of her choices and didn’t try to understand her motives. The mage didn’t need people’s approval, but having someone who seemed to find her to be more than just the naive girl on the Tale was endearing. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, nothing too long or too daring, just a kiss. She heard the rest of the people in the table cheering and whistling but she didn’t really mind.

“Ma serannas.” 

 

And that night when she left the tavern, for once the whispers behind her weren’t hurtful. They were soft whispers like gossip – had she captured the boy’s heart? Was that kiss gonna turn into something else? Was the pair going to run away together and never to be seen again? Those were the kinds of question Varric asked, and she learned, she didn’t care much for the answer. 

_"I know me."_ She thought looking up to the starry sky. _And that's what really matters._

**Author's Note:**

> I was just assaulted by the idea that the Kirkwall gang would have fans around Thedas, and I liked the idea that Krem would be Merrill's fan just because it was too damn cute.
> 
> And I was having a Merrill-day.
> 
> This is mostly Merrill-centred, but I have to say this couple took a weird place in my heart, so who knows? I might write more about them.
> 
> That's All.


End file.
